actually, I'm a sock model
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
