who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
