so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
