I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
