We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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