the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
