I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
