After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize