16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
