Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
