if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
