In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize