every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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