No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
