i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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