i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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