She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize