I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize