so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
