I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
