whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
