Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
