I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
