I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
