He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
