just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
