we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
