i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
