kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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