We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
