I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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