I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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