you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
