theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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