If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
