Nicole vs. Life
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
