the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
