Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
