thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize