My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
