where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
