I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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