Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
