Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Randomize