i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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