I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
