Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
