Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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