yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize