She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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