I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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