my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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