you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
