she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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