nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm at about main and main street
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize