I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
