EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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