had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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