WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
