I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
