Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
