google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
