Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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