I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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