i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
