new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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