you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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