I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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