i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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