best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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