people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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