he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
