so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
home. puking in laundry basket.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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