There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
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