im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
