I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
