Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
