Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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