I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
A+ Viking dick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
